Someone Made A Giant Creepy Realistic Bust Of Confucious

Because people out there want me to have constant nightmares and all the worlds problems have been solved, someone finally had the courage (and fake mustache hair) to make this thing:

This made me think. But thinking made me sleepy. So I took a little nap. But then when I woke I up I remembred some of my favorite quotes by Confucious that he totally didn't say. 

Confucious say: Itchy bottom when you sleep, smelly finger when you wake.

Confucious say: A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts. 

Confucious say: Man who drop watch in toilet, going to have crappy time.

Confucious say: Man who comes into money, have sticky financial situation. 

Confucious say: Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways, going to Bangkok.

He sure was wise. But also, started World War 2. Look at this creep:

Michael Noll's Words Of Wisdom

In my many long years I have experienced a great many things. I have gained some great wisdom during this time. From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth. Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side. Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time. The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until this post is done. 

Here are some of the life lessons I'd like to share with you:

Click to read more ...

Life Lessons From Michael Noll

I've learned a lot in my 33 years on Earth. I've learned about the world, I've learned about people, I've learned that itchy bottom when you sleep makes smelly finger when you wake. I've learned many things. 

I'd like to share some of my life lessons with you. These are nuggets of wisdom that have served me well and helped me to become the man I am today. 

WARNING: this is the man I am today: 

Life can be cruel, unforgiving, and stupid. But if you absorb my wisdom, you will have the tools to endure the hardships and inequalities on your journey. 

Violence never solves anything, except for all your problems.

The quickest way to a man’s heart isn’t food. It's food that has parasitic worms.

Covering your hand in glue because you like the feeling of peeling it off does not make you a bad person, but society will never accept you. 

Popping zits is a great way to get a scar, and it's fun. 

It’s ok for a grown man to feel sad, and even cry. Just make sure you change your tampon after.

Click to read more ...