Vegetables Gone Wild!

I'm not big on vegetables. I don't understand why they even exist. If God meant for us to eat vegetables then he would have made them out of meat. You don't eat trees do you? And they are just big vegetables made of wood. Don't argue, my logic is flawless. 

Another reason I don't eat vegetables is because they are nasty. Like "nasty" in a very inappropriate way. Vegetables are degenerates. 

Here are some examples of vegetables gone wild:

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Picture Of The Day

He-Man's Sexy And He Knows It

I never really got LMFAO's song "Sexy And I know It," until now. Good job on this one Internet. Next I'd like to see someone make Adele's "Someone Like You," with Thundercats.

4th Grader Suspended For Telling Friend Teacher Was 'Cute'

After a substitute teacher overheard a 9 year old boy saying that he thought his teacher was "cute," the substitute decided that this crime against humanity needed to be reported. So the principal, who had finished his job of making sure the kids were fully educated, did the only sensible thing and suspended the boy for sexual harassment. 

Read the news story here.

Kids, unfortunately we live in a world where you have to watch what you say at all times. Even if someone overhears you at school, or later in life at a University or Workplace. Things you say could be considered sexual harassment. It's unfortunate because sexual harassment is fun.

Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady To

I don't mean your "old lady," like your wife, or girlfriend. I mean an actual elderly woman. Someone 70 plus. You knew what I meant the moment you read it though. Because all you had to do was take a look back behind you at that messy bed and see what you brought home from Adult Daycare last night. Maybe you shouldn't have had all those gin and Metamucils. Maybe you should have made some better decisions. But it's too late, this is something that you have done and will have to live with. She'll have to live with it too, but not for very long. And the worst part is, you're going to totally do it again. 

So these are some suggestion for songs to set the right mood. Turn that stereo all the way up, because she doesn't hear so good anymore, and prepare to watch those Depends drop faster than the A-Bomb over Japan. An event she totally remembers happeneing when she was in High School. Oh hell yeaaaah. This is going to be hot, very dry, possibly some skin flaking involved, but hot.

You're going to need one of these, because after that she hears that song. You'll be dusting yourself off for weeks. 

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Angela Landsbury - Positive Moves

This was extremely hard to masturbate to. Don't get me wrong, I found a way, but it was NOT easy. 

I know what all of you are thinking, "We want to see a seven minute and 45 second video of Angela Landsbury half-naked and exercising." Most people do. So, here it is.

You fall in love, you lose. 

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