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Entries in reviews (2)

Tuesday
May082012

The Avengers Review By Michael Noll

 

Marvel's The Avengers is a huge smash-bang-epic-fun, summer blockbuster that just shattered the U.S. opening weekend box office record. I had been really looking forward to this movie, I liked the first Iron Man movie, I liked Thor, I liked Captain America, and I liked Lost In Translation. It wasn't as great as I had hoped it would be. A little slow at the beginning and at times it had Transformer's Syndrome, that's where there is so much going on all at once that your eyes bleed a little, and you pee a bit. But after watching it a 2nd time, I've decided that it's just a ton of fun. 

Here is a recap of what I thought of the many, many characters in the movie:

Iron Man:

Robert Downey Jr. was offered the role of Iron Man after Ed Begley Jr. turned it down due to prior commitments. He owns the role. Anyone who is familiar with the comic knows that Tony Stark is a lovable, egotistical, sarcastic, hot headed, genius. I can dig that. Actually I'm sort of working on my own version of an Iron Man suit of armor. I figure, I'm smart, I have a certain confidence, I can totally do that in real life. Sure, I don't have billions of dollars so it's just me running around my street nude with a pan on my head. But I'm working on upgrades.

Thor:

Thor Tha Thor Thor Thooooor. I like Thor. He talks fancy but he fights with a hammer like the guy in Old Boy. Thor is sort of the reason for the Avengers. I don't remember exactly why because they guy next to me in the theater had kicking breath and was wearing Brut. 

Captain America:

I kind of hated Chris Evans after I saw him in that HORRIBLE Fantastic Four movie. But, I have to say,

Click to read more ...

Monday
Mar262012

The Hunger Games Review By Michael Noll

 

I've never read the very popular young adult novel, Hunger Games, but my girlfriend did. She seemed to think it was pretty great. I haven't really read any novel in a long time. Sure I read, but mostly just books like "Fallin' Up" by Taboo and the first half of Penthouse Letters. So, I didn't really know what to expect when I was forced against my will to see the movie "Hunger Games," this past weekend. All I really knew was that it was a futuristic Orwellian tale about young teens killing each other for a government run reality tv show. I assumed it was a musical. 

WARNING: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS

First let me say that I don't remember anyone's name. I don't remember the names of my friends or family. I sometimes even forget how old I am, or what year it is. Sometimes I forget to wear pants and then hang out in Arby's parking lots. So I'll just describe the characters the way I remember them. 

The movie begins with me asking my girlfriend if she'd like some popcorn. I'm on a diet and trying to get back in baller shape, but I love movie theater popcorn more than anything. I ask for extra butter. I would drink that fake butter straight if they let me. I would rub it all over my body and then take 5 years of yoga lessons, so i could be limber enough to lick it off my own body.

Then the movie begins. We see a girl who is waaaaay better looking than that mongloid chick from the Twilight movies. That chick from the twilight movies looks like she would have a hairy bottom. 

The movies takes place in a bleak future in which the government keeps a very tight control over everyone's lives and they have like a lotto thing in which a teenager from a district is selected to fight to death on a reality show. I don't know, read the book or something if you want the details, jeez, I'm not Wikipedia. 

I really liked the movie. I normally don't enjoy seeing young people get killed (i'm still mad that they showed Ron's ex-girlfriend being eaten in the last Harry Potter,) but the filmmakers handled it in the best way I think they could. Also, Woody from Cheers is in it. Sadly, Norm was not : / 

The movie definitely felt like a first chapter of a trilogy, which is a good thing. I can't wait to see the next one. I also can't wait to see my own taint after I finish doing that 5 years of yoga. 

My only complaint is that for some reason giant weird looking dogs grew out of the ground to eat people. I don't know what that was all about, I was in the bathroom for like 5 minutes before that happened. 

An embarrassing thing happened to me while I was in the bathroom. I walk in and look around to make sure I'm alone, that's important so I know whether or not i can release gasses while at the urinal. I didn't see a single person. So, I whip it out and pick it up off the floor and being to tinkle when I let out the loudest and longest fart and burp combo ever. It was epic. I rarely have gas, so when an event like this takes place, it's a special moment. Unfortunately right after I did this I heard someone make a loud disapproving groaning noise. there was a guy in the stall! I didn't see his feet. It was pretty terrible ... for him. And that's my review of The Hunger Games

I give it a 38 out of 43 stars! 

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

The Hunger Games rated PG 13 (For killing kids and weird dogs)