Romney VS. Obama: Master Debate Analysis

First of all, wait a second, Barack Obama is black? When did this happen? Good lord, what's next? Are we going to allow women to drive? Sheesh. 

Secondly, why do Mormons all look so healthy? Is it the whole not smoking, drinking alcohol, and living a really clean life thing? Ugh, I could not be Mormon. I mean I don't smoke but, well, yeah ugh.

Ok, so back to the debate ...

I really like debates. I am a master at it. I am a master debater. I master debate like all the time. Today alone, I mastered debating like 3 times. Once in the shower, twice in the dressing room at JC Penny's. I've said too much. 

Here is my Master Debating analysis:

Mitt Romney actually won this. I honestly didn't expect that.

Listen jerks, I am a Libertarian Conservative. There are a lot of contradictions in that, but I'm a complicated person, so suck it. I pretty much have hated all our leaders for a very long time. I still do, and I still will. But, Romney impressed me. I wasn't a big fan of his. I thought of him as a simple autocrat. In this debate he proved to be a thoughtful thinker who has a sincere sense of business and a realistic plan to improve our very shitty economy. I also like his sideburns. 

Obama, I'm sorry, but I just plain don't like him. I find him to be arrogant, self-obsessed, and clueless. I liked Bill Clinton, he was a total dick, but I liked him. I liked Hillary Clinton, she's looking pretty bad right now with what happened in Lybia, but I like her. She's a serious person.

Hillary should have been president. Not McCain (war hero), and not Obama (wrote 2 books about himself.)

Going into this, I was planning to make fun of Mitt Romney ... a lot. I wrote like 3 paragraphs of jokes about him before this debate. But, I have to be honest, he won this debate and he was impressive. Now, I have to delete most of my Mormon jokes. Thanks a lot jerk. 

Now onto Barack Obama. So many of my readers love him. They voted for him. They don't want to admit they were overly exuberant. I understand that. That's ok. But, you have to realize deep down that he really has no idea what the hell he's doing. "Hope and Change" ... yeah that's kind of a big bucket of bullshit huh? What change has there been? Where is all this hope? 

I pay more for gas, my small business has been hurt, and the horrible area I live in has declined greatly.

Mitt Romney might be completely out of touch. He probably is. I don't have any idea if he'll be a good president. He might be horrible. 

Barak Obama has had 4 years to improve the country. He has not. I don't think he has any idea what eff he's doing. 

I wish we had better candidates than these two. I kinda hate them both, but I now hate the guy who wears magic underwear a whole lot less. 

If I had it my way we'd have Hillary Clinton vs. my super-fat-favorite governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie. Then we'd have a real choice. They both have nice racks. 

Oh, and if you are one of those people who thinks this erection is all about your vagina, then first of all, you have a vagina, then second of all, c'mon ... don't use it to think with. We have real issues. Issues like I wrote "erection" instead of "election," ha, did you notice that?! See, I told you I was a Master Debater. 

Chick-fil-Gay

Why you shouldn't boycott Chick-fil-A or support Chick-fil-A based on the CEO's gay marriage views: 

Recently the CEO of Chick-fil-A, Dan Cathy, gave a radio interview in which he expressed his strong opposition to gay marriage. People reacted with proper restraint out of a reasonable perspective and realized that it's only one man's personal opinion. They realized that there was no need to blow it out of proportion or really even care because it in no way affected their lives whatsoever. Wait, no they didn't. People did what they always do whenever anyone says anything controversial. They put on their most uncomfortable panties and had a giant period. Unlike these people, my panties are nice and loose.  

Mayors and politicians threatened to kick the restaurant chain out of their towns. People on both sides of the issue planned protests and support rallies. Many of the people who planned boycotts also made sure everyone knew they were making the great sacrifice of not going to a fast food restaurant. 

I support gay marriage (as I wrote here) but I will not boycott Chick-fil-A just because their CEO disagrees with me. However, I will boycott Chick-fil-A because I don't like pickles on my sandwiches. Disgusting.

Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays for religious reasons. So, why would anyone be surprised that they might have a CEO with a strong religious opinion? 

So because a CEO of a company expresses an opinion that fits his particular faith, and does so without firing gay people or instituting a policy to not serve gay people piping-hot, heterosexual, chicken sandwiches, people want to boycott the whole company? 

Well, who do you think a boycott is going to really hurt?

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Best Protest Signs

Whether it's Occupy Wall Street, the Tea Party, or Bring Back the McRib, the best way to waste everyone's time is to write your opinions on a sign and chant. Here are the funniest protest signs from people who understand the true power of writing a slogan on poster board. 

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