If I had my own store, it would be the best and most awesome store ever. It would make Target look like K-mart, and nobody wants that. My store would be called Nollmart and our slogan would be "Nollmart, home of falling." That's it.
Instead of old people and the mentally retarded greeting you when you entered it would be a giant ape with a an extreme hatred for human beings. (I kinda abused him for sport.)
Once you enter the store you will be dazzled by an array of lasers, strobe lights and dozens of humming birds flying around loose. Every thing in the store will be in it's own section. Unlike Giant Eagle and Ralphs, that have no idea what they are doing, my store will be categorised in the only way that makes sense. By how funny it is. For instance, navy beans will now be in the same aisle as tampons. Fruit and vegetables will also be in the same aisle as tampons. Meat will be in the aisle with shotguns and beer. And adult diapers will be in the same aisle as Activia and tacos.
I will also have my own version of Giant Eagle's Fuel Perks.