Mon, January 16, 2012 I'm back from my hiatus. I just needed a break from all of you horrible people. You understand don't you? You understand that you are horrible people, right? Horrible, just horrible people.
I can't really explain what I did over my long vacation. But this video is close:
gross, i hate you, michael noll in horrible Wed, December 7, 2011 According to the news, the multi-billionaire creator of Facebook had his private Facebook pics revealed by a security glitch on Facebook. Pictures like these:
This is obviously the beginning of some kind of sick kinky billionaire, seven-some.
Here he is with his long time girlfriend. This is shocking. Who knew he was like this?
He's quite the hunter.
facebook, funny pictures, michael noll, news in michael noll, news Tue, December 6, 2011 Michael Noll from the MN Institute went to the zoo. He saw monkeys. He saw monkeys eating POOP.
Behold the epic presentation of "Monkey Poop Movie" by Michael Noll © 2011
Wed, November 16, 2011 If I had my own store, it would be the best and most awesome store ever. It would make Target look like K-mart, and nobody wants that. My store would be called Nollmart and our slogan would be "Nollmart, home of falling." That's it.
Instead of old people and the mentally retarded greeting you when you entered it would be a giant ape with a an extreme hatred for human beings. (I kinda abused him for sport.)
Once you enter the store you will be dazzled by an array of lasers, strobe lights and dozens of humming birds flying around loose. Every thing in the store will be in it's own section. Unlike Giant Eagle and Ralphs, that have no idea what they are doing, my store will be categorised in the only way that makes sense. By how funny it is. For instance, navy beans will now be in the same aisle as tampons. Fruit and vegetables will also be in the same aisle as tampons. Meat will be in the aisle with shotguns and beer. And adult diapers will be in the same aisle as Activia and tacos.
I will also have my own version of Giant Eagle's Fuel Perks.
Nollmart, great ideas, michael noll, stores in michael noll Mon, November 14, 2011 I've learned a lot in my 33 years on Earth. I've learned about the world, I've learned about people, I've learned that itchy bottom when you sleep makes smelly finger when you wake. I've learned many things.
I'd like to share some of my life lessons with you. These are nuggets of wisdom that have served me well and helped me to become the man I am today.
WARNING: this is the man I am today:
Life can be cruel, unforgiving, and stupid. But if you absorb my wisdom, you will have the tools to endure the hardships and inequalities on your journey.
Violence never solves anything, except for all your problems.
The quickest way to a man’s heart isn’t food. It's food that has parasitic worms.
Covering your hand in glue because you like the feeling of peeling it off does not make you a bad person, but society will never accept you.
Popping zits is a great way to get a scar, and it's fun.
It’s ok for a grown man to feel sad, and even cry. Just make sure you change your tampon after.
michael noll, wisdom in michael noll Tue, October 18, 2011 I've recently uncovered a major news story. Through some sources I have in government I've uncovered a major plot involving myself, and some very horrible things.
This is very serious, and I can not reveal my sources. Because of the sensitive nature of this very shocking information, I've been advised by lawyers to submit the post to the government before publishing. As is frequently the result, some of the details in the post have had to be blacked out. But I feel it's too important of a story not to publish anyway.
I was just as surprised as you are. But it really does all make sense.
government, michael noll, shocking in michael noll 
