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Entries in hipsters (6)

Tuesday
Oct022012

Please Stop Donating Clothes To Poor Countries

 

I know, I know, but just go with me on this. You know that old t-shirt that you bought at Spencer Gifts in the mall? You were 19 and covered in pimples. Well, now you are 29, covered in pimples but you have much better taste. Now you wear clothes from Kmart. You've become quite the fashionista.

So, you open up an old box of the rags you once wore, and decide that you'll do a good deed for your lifetime. Instead of throwing them out, you will donate them to one of those drop-off boxes that promises to send the clothes to the very poor. Well, a lot of those clothes end up overseas. You see, lucky for us, our tax dollars already go to make sure that the poor in this country get checks in order to buy 200 dollar LeBron James shoes and classy denim dresses. Also, smart phones, flat screen tv's, laptops ... uh yeah, our poor isn't the same as their poor.

 

The real poor doesn't complain about only having the iPhone 3.

Anyhoo, what ends up happening is that our old dirty clothes get shipped overseas to extremely super-seriously poor countries. Well that sounds good. Those people are probably just walking around naked eating dirt all day. They'd love to wear our garbage. 

Except:

Until we in the U.S. decided that we were going to do are half-assed good deed, many of these very poor nations had begun creating textile industries. There was a real need, so people in those countries began to create a supply. Amazing. They are actual human beings with minds of their own who are capable of creating an industry, and therefore, a working economy. I had no idea. On the TV they just walk around with flies on their heads.

The textile industries in these countries provided not only clothing, but jobs. Jobs which paid money, money which was used to create more businesses. These businesses made things for people who suddenly had money to buy things. But then we decided to take a big fat dump on all that noise and give them our free garbage. Goodbye self-sustaining economy.

It's much easier to FEEL like you are helping people than to THINK about whether or not you actually are. Just like how it's easier to FEEL up strangers on the bus than it is to THINK about having a normal healthy relationship with a willing partner. I've said too much. 

I'm just sick and tired of seeing countless pictures of unkept poor people wearing dirty old vintage basketball jerseys. I can't tell if they are poor foreigners or just filthy hipsters. 

Besides ruining entire economies with our good deeds, look at what we are doing to these people: 

 

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Apr182012

The 5 Kinds Of People That Are Destroying Western Civilization

5. People Who Don't Use Turn Signals - 

I've noticed lately that people have stopped raising their hand a full two inches from their iPhone and Taco in order to turn on their car's turn signal and let me know which way they are going. Oh, that's fine. No problem. Of course before turning, they break first. Breaking means that the cars behind them have to suddenly break as well, even though they had no reason to anticipate having to do so. But the people who don't use turn signals don't seem to care about this. This is the most important thing in the entire world and anyone who refuses to use their turn signal is worst than Hitler and I hope they get a brand new disease, a disease that is so rare it will have to be named after them. USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL! It's easy, and unlike your schwartz while watching "Dance Mom's" .... it's NOT hard!

Use your turn signal!!!!

4. Hipsters -


Look, I know you want to feel cool. I know you want to fit into some a group. I know you want to feel popular among a very small social group. I know that you suck really bad at sports, and I know you aren't smart enough to work for a tech company. It's ok. I understand. I myself once owned a pair of Cross Colors jeans. But I was 12 and I didn't know any better. You are in your 20's and 30's and following trends so closely that it just looks to your parents and myself like you are pathetic and desperate.

You really don't look very cool to anyone outside of your circle. I know you might think that all the regular people are jealous of your style and your American Apparel half shirt, the one that already comes with the pit stains, but really ... nobody is jealous of you. 

Normal people just kind of think you are a followers who are so desperate to fit in that you'll dress like a complete jackass so that the other jackasses will approve of you. It doesn't seem like you are individuals, or interesting people. It just seems like you don't wash yourself as much as you should, and are completely empty inside.

Try being yourself, no matter what that is. Whatever it is that you really are, just be that. If you do, and you don't care what people think, eventually you'll be cool. Because the only truly cool people in this world, are those who don't compromise themselves for the sake of popularity. Of course if deep down you suck as a person in every way, nobody will like you if you are yourself. So in that case, dress like a weirdo so that girls who refuse to shave their legs or guys who refuse to wear deodorant will want to make out with you.

3. The Kardashian Sisters - 


Q: What happens to people in this country who have no discernible skills, no talents, no signs of intelligence, no morals, no class, and no normal pants that fit? 

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Feb082012

Lord Of The Rings Hipster Pictures

If you are like me, you are typing this sentence. You also probably love you some Lord of the Rings. The movies, the books have almost no pictures. But what if the characters from Middle Earth instead lived in Brooklyn? It'd be a lot like this:

 


 

 

 

 

 

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Nov022011

Colbert Interviews Two Crazy People

 

Stephen Colbert, best known for spelling his first name wrong, is generally sympathetic to the hippies who make up the "Occupy Wall Street" protests. But even he seemed taken aback by a couple of them. Including a hipster-hippy (a hipsty) girl named "ketchup." Maybe she spells it "catsup."

 

Saturday
Oct082011

Game Of Thrones Hipster Pictures

Tuesday
Sep062011

Best Of Pretentious Hipster Pictures

You take them, you caption them, and you post them to tumblr. The rest of the world ... wants to murder you.  

 

 

 

 

 

Click to read more ...