5 Ways To Improve The Olympics

After watching an opening ceremony filled with a bunch of smoke stacks, sick kids jumping on beds to celebrate a health care system that has produced the world's worst teeth, and 50 Mary Poppins fighting a giant Voldermort puppet, I think it's time to revaluate the entire Olympics.  

So far, London is doing to the Olympics what Bobby did to Whitney. What's with all the empty seats? It's like going to a Joey Fatone solo concert. I don't even know why I go to those, I'm the only one ever there. And they are always in his house, and he acts all scared because he says he doesn't want to die and he's afraid of knives. I'm like, "it was not easy getting into this place again, so you will sing and dance and make magic happen!" Then he's all like, "please, just leave me alone, I'll do what you want, just put the knives down." I love those concerts. But anyway, I still have hope for the Olympics. But there need to be some changes.  

So here are 5 ways to improve the Olympics:

5. Dolphins - 

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Watch This Bear Dance Hoping For Asian Food

I could barely stand to watch this video. Not that the video is grizzly or anything. I'm sorry for the puns, just bear with me. Bear. BEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS. 

Watch this!

Michel & Sven Do A Magic Trick

I've only been able to watch this 10,000 times today, because I had to fit in a bathroom break. 

Not only did they mess up the end of the trick, they can't even spell "Michael" and "Steven" correctly. Dumb Amish kids. 

Update on Fri, September 9, 2011 by Michael Noll

By the way, the blond kid was not harmed in this video (according to the original German source.) So you don't have to feel guilty for enjoying it. However, after his father came home, both boys were likely severely beaten. But that video is less funny.