Shut Up, I'll Eat Whatever I Want!
Thu, August 16, 2012 
My girlfriend is a vegetarian. She's very healthy. She never feels like her body is rotting. Mine feels like that all the time. But she has never once told me what I should or shouldn't eat. (Except if you include when I want to eat an entire box of crackers and wash it down with a bottle of 3 dollar wine.)
For my own health and "ethical" reasons, I have changed by diet over the years. I eat less red meat than I used to, and I wont eat a few animals because I really like them. Baby cows, and puppies. Both are delicious, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
It used to be that people just ate the foods they wanted or could afford to eat and went about living their own lives. But now, many people feel it's their self-righteous duty to tell you what you should and should not eat. They read a pamphlet and saw some pictures online, so they feel they are now food experts.
I once saw someone on facebook post a pro-abortion rights picture, then post a picture of a mutilated chicken with the caption, "meat is murder," followed up by an image of a b.s. chart that claimed to show how bad for the body non-vegan makeup was. Then they posted 3 pictures of themselves smoking and drinking.
We can all be hypocritical at times, but shut your filthy patchouli stinking whore mouth the next time you think it's a good idea to lecture me or anyone else about eating an ice cream cone!
And it's not just the annoying busy body losers on facebook who have NOT A SINGLE BETTER DAMN THING TO DO THAN TO TRY AND RUN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES, it's also the inept politicians like the horrible mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg who feel it's their duty to use their power to control what people eat and how they live their lives.
Olympic Divers Look Crazy
Fri, August 3, 2012 They look so graceful from a distance. But in reality, there is a lot of derping going on.
But when you realize that diving from a very high distance is scary, then you'll realize exactly what is really happening.
funny faces, olympics, sports, subway in funny pictures 5 Ways To Improve The Olympics
Fri, August 3, 2012
After watching an opening ceremony filled with a bunch of smoke stacks, sick kids jumping on beds to celebrate a health care system that has produced the world's worst teeth, and 50 Mary Poppins fighting a giant Voldermort puppet, I think it's time to revaluate the entire Olympics.
So far, London is doing to the Olympics what Bobby did to Whitney. What's with all the empty seats? It's like going to a Joey Fatone solo concert. I don't even know why I go to those, I'm the only one ever there. And they are always in his house, and he acts all scared because he says he doesn't want to die and he's afraid of knives. I'm like, "it was not easy getting into this place again, so you will sing and dance and make magic happen!" Then he's all like, "please, just leave me alone, I'll do what you want, just put the knives down." I love those concerts. But anyway, I still have hope for the Olympics. But there need to be some changes.
So here are 5 ways to improve the Olympics:
5. Dolphins -
foreigners, funny, nerf, olympics, sports, swimming in horrible, michael noll Chick-fil-Gay
Wed, August 1, 2012
Why you shouldn't boycott Chick-fil-A or support Chick-fil-A based on the CEO's gay marriage views:
Recently the CEO of Chick-fil-A, Dan Cathy, gave a radio interview in which he expressed his strong opposition to gay marriage. People reacted with proper restraint out of a reasonable perspective and realized that it's only one man's personal opinion. They realized that there was no need to blow it out of proportion or really even care because it in no way affected their lives whatsoever. Wait, no they didn't. People did what they always do whenever anyone says anything controversial. They put on their most uncomfortable panties and had a giant period. Unlike these people, my panties are nice and loose.
Mayors and politicians threatened to kick the restaurant chain out of their towns. People on both sides of the issue planned protests and support rallies. Many of the people who planned boycotts also made sure everyone knew they were making the great sacrifice of not going to a fast food restaurant.
I support gay marriage (as I wrote here) but I will not boycott Chick-fil-A just because their CEO disagrees with me. However, I will boycott Chick-fil-A because I don't like pickles on my sandwiches. Disgusting.
Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays for religious reasons. So, why would anyone be surprised that they might have a CEO with a strong religious opinion?
So because a CEO of a company expresses an opinion that fits his particular faith, and does so without firing gay people or instituting a policy to not serve gay people piping-hot, heterosexual, chicken sandwiches, people want to boycott the whole company?
Well, who do you think a boycott is going to really hurt?
controversy, food, funny, gay, politics in horrible, michael noll, news Five Big Lies Adults Tell You When You're A Kid
Mon, July 16, 2012
We are told so many lies when we are kids. By the time we're teenagers, we begin to suspect it. That's why teens go goth. Here are 5 of the biggest lies adults tell kids:
5. Santa Claus Gives You Presents -
And you wonder why your children are stupid, and grow up with crushed souls.
You spend the early years of life being told a wonderful lie. There is a magical old man who uses his magic powers and his magic reindeer to deliver awesome presents to you and all the other good kids all over the world. Wow, if that's possible than almost anything is possible. The entire world is like one big Harry Potter movie (I didn't say book, because I don't read,) that's fantastic!
There is nothing you can't do, nothing you can't become or accomplish because you live in a world that has actual magic! Then you turn 6 and you learn it was just your parents buying you the wrong G.I. Joes, not magical elves. First you are like, "well, at least I don't have to be pissed off at the elves anymore," then you are like, "oh yeah, and my parents and every adult in my life is a filthy liar."
Your soul is now crushed. You will never really believe any adult again, and you will grow up to be cynical and skeptical about anything and everything that seems to be amazing. That dirty old man next door didn't take away your innocence. Santa Claus did.
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