Letters From Bin Laden

Today, the "Combating Terrorism Center" at West Point released letters written by Usama Bin Laden that were taken after his compound was sieged by Navy Seals. The letters depict a man who among other things, enjoyed MSNBC until they fired Keith Olbermann, and was very jealous of other Al Qaeda leaders. 

But they reveal more than just that. We had some of the top Arabic translators that are members of the staff at the MN Institute, translate some of the letters to English. Here is an example of one. This is Bin Laden writing to one of his wives. 

"Hey slag,

It's your snuggle boo, UBL, Unbelievably Big Lover, rofl, I'm just messin'. Seriously tho girl, I miss you. I'm so bored here. This compound sucks. The cable is always out, I don't have x-box, and everything smells like cheese. My other wives here are total bitches. They always be buggin me and are all like, "Usama we want to go outside, Usama we want to do more than just watch you watch Keith Olberman and jack-a-lack it, Usama we want to not be under constant threat of military drone attacks," sheesh. I'm all like "pipe down wives, if it wasn't for me you'd be in some middle school right now." Bitches don't even know how lucky they have it. They aint like you girl, youz my bottom bitch xoxoxo. 

So, I did you a drawing. That's me killing the infidels. Lolz I drew bosoms on me cuz I'm soooo bored!

Anyways, I miss you. I wish something exciting would happen around here. But it's always quiet. Thinking about you. Thinking about you a lot at night too. Wink wink. hehe, i'm just playin. 

xoxoxoxo,

Binny"