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Tuesday
May152012

8 Life Lessons Young People Need To Learn The Easy Way

 

Hey high school and college kids, and high school drop-outs and people who work at the bad Wendy's and always get my order wrong: ... you are young. You have your whole lives ahead of you. People tell you that the world is your oyster. That's true. You have an entire slimy world that smells like vag and will make you sick ahead of you. Congratulations. If you are old enough to have learned a basic ability to read, then read this, and wise up youths: 

8. Life doesn't owe you anything - "You're special." "You could be anything you want when you grow up." "You are unique." Chances are you aren't really special. I mean, if everyone is special, than no-one is. You can't be anything you want. If you are bad a math, you can't be a scientist. If you are in bad shape, you can't be a professional athlete. If you aren't talented, you can't be a famous actor. You might be able to make a sex tape with Ray Jay and be a Kardashian. But probably not. Your bottom is way too small and your dad didn't help O.J. Simpson get away with murdering people. 

If you want something in life, you have to work very hard to earn it. You have to sacrifice. Even then it might not happen. But if you do the right things in life and work hard, whatever it is that you do actually achieve, will feel like a victory.

 

7. You're unbelievably vulnerable - Do you think you can not die? Didn't you see The Hunger Games? If you think that being young awards you some kind of special invulnerability, well then, you have a pretty good chance of dying young. Young men and women are statistically the most vulnerable group to die from accidents. That's because you are all jackasses. I know this, because when I was a teenager, I was a jackass. You do not appreciate or understand the consequences of any actions you take. You just haven't made enough mistakes to learn from yet. Sheltering does that. Wear your seat belts and never listen to any of your idiot friends and their drunken brilliant ideas. 

 

6. You have no idea what you are talking about, ever - You know how adults don't seem to understand you sometimes? You think they just don't get it. No, they get it, they just think you are a moron. But that's only because you are a moron. They hear the gobbledygook spewing out of your mouth and realize they raised little idiots. Don't worry, it's too late for them to abort you. Plus, you wont always be an idiot, but right now ... you are an idiot. 

5. You should really take better care of your body - You smoke, you drink too much, you eat terrible foods high in saturated fats. You are going to pay for all of that one day. You are going to pay hard. When you have diabetes, emphysema, and a giant beer belly that makes it look like you are 8 months pregnant. How cool are going to feel then? You'll be asked by strangers if they can touch your belly to see if the baby is kicking, and you are a dude. You suck, eat better and work out a little and stop smoking!

4. All the music you like is crap - It really is. You will one day be very embarrassed. You haven't developed good taste yet. You are still going by what your friends like or what your really stupid emo emotions are telling you to listen to. Justin Bieber sucks, and one day when you are older, you'll look back and wish you could shoot yourself in the face for listening to him. 

 

3. Life doesn't get easier, it just gets different - Aren't you tired of people telling you how you should enjoy your youth? They are only half right. You are likely healthy, and you likely don't have extremely complicated problems and responsibilities. But it does suck to be your age. Everything is confusing, nobody has good answers, and you are pretty much the stupidest person on Earth. It's not your fault, but it's fact. It's not really going to suddenly become easier. It's just going to be different. Life is still going to be hard when you are older. Life is still going to be confusing. And life is still going to kick your ass when you least expect it. But if you are prepared for that, then you'll be ready when it does. 

 

2. You have terrible friends - If you are young, I want you to do the following: Make a list of the people you consider to be your best friends. Now, cross out almost all of them.

You will lose your current friends. You will probably lose your current boyfriend or girlfriend too. This will happen because either they will suck, or you will suck. You are too young and too stupid to comprehend the necessary skills to maintain good relationships.

Your friendships will be ruined because you will fight over a guy or a girl. You will hear a rumor that your friend said something about you. It's likely only half-true. You will believe it. You will grow apart. You will find your own interests that are very different from your current friends. You will break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend because you are young and don't even know how to begin to handle all the complicated b.s. that a serious relationship presents to you.

It's sad to think that the people who are so important to you right now are only temporary. Embrace it. Enjoy every single fun moment with them and realize that those moments are important because they will end. 

 

 

1. It's not all about you - The Earth is 4.54 billions years old. 7 billion people live on the Earth. Many billions of people have died on the Earth. Our tiny little planet is part of a huge solar system that is just a tiny little dot in a massive galaxy we call the Milky Way. That galaxy is barely even a visible dot in a universe that is beyond our mind's ability to comprehend. We are so little. So fleeting. We are less than a raindrop in the ocean, so very much less.

Whatever it is we do, whatever it is we create, or destroy, it is no more significant than the tiniest insect being unknowingly squashed by our own footstep. You and I are nothing. Unless ... 

you find someone to love. Find a purpose for your existence. Find a reason to live your life because in the grand scheme of things there isn't much reason for it at all. 

You might not really matter in this world, or to the world, and you certainly do not matter to the universe, but you might matter to someone. And ... that's it losers. That's the secret to life. Matter to someone. Be humble because you are insignificant. Respect your insignificance. Embrace it fully. Find someone who isn't interested in what the universe thinks, and matter to them. 

 

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