Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady To

I don't mean your "old lady," like your wife, or girlfriend. I mean an actual elderly woman. Someone 70 plus. You knew what I meant the moment you read it though. Because all you had to do was take a look back behind you at that messy bed and see what you brought home from Adult Daycare last night. Maybe you shouldn't have had all those gin and Metamucils. Maybe you should have made some better decisions. But it's too late, this is something that you have done and will have to live with. She'll have to live with it too, but not for very long. And the worst part is, you're going to totally do it again. 

So these are some suggestion for songs to set the right mood. Turn that stereo all the way up, because she doesn't hear so good anymore, and prepare to watch those Depends drop faster than the A-Bomb over Japan. An event she totally remembers happeneing when she was in High School. Oh hell yeaaaah. This is going to be hot, very dry, possibly some skin flaking involved, but hot.

You're going to need one of these, because after that she hears that song. You'll be dusting yourself off for weeks. 

How how about this hot little ditty from yesteryear:

Youz about to shake out all those cobwebs out.

Two times in one night? Good golly, you're like a machine!

This has been an MN Institute public service message, reminding you to practice moderation when having drinks this holiday. It only takes one too many drinks before Grandma starts looking svelte.